7 Signs That Your Therapist Sucks

 I started therapy a couple weeks ago and already I know it is NOT a good fit. It is extremely important that you find a therapist that works for you or guess what? It's just not going to work! Although these apply to male and female therapists, mine is a woman so I will be referring to her as such in this post. So here are some tells that it's time to break up with your therapist and move on to better psychological pastures.

1. She does not go over her legal responsibilities and your legal rights when it comes to privacy ect. (I learned to do this in my first day of class.  It's Ethics 101!)

2. She immediately begins diagnosing every person in your life that you talk about. 
It was unbelievable that she had the ability to diagnose everyone that I know with a mental illness within a few sentences. Apparently everyone I know is crazy.

3. She talks more than you do during a session.
I don't know about you but when I'm paying to come and talk to someone I expect to do most of the talking. Feedback is great but I should be able to finish a thought before someone jumps in and tells me how I feel.

4. She one ups you.
Now there is nothing wrong with a situational anecdote here and there to make the client feel like the therapist can identify. But when every story you tell her is followed with her own heart wrenching experience you start to wonder who the therapist is in the situation.

5. She passes judgement.
A therapist is supposed to view you with unconditional positive regard. I had a rather rough day on Monday and ended up being in a situation where I had to let Arya cry it out. For those of you who know me, you know that I am more of an "attachment parenting" type of person. I felt extremely guilty about the whole situation and was looking for understanding from the woman I'm literally paying to be understanding. But instead I got a lecture about all of the negative effects I'm having on my child. NOT HELPFUL LADY.

6. She pushes drugs.
Now there is nothing wrong with medication to treat psychological disorders. Hell I'm on an anti-depressant. But your therapist should not scoff at certain medications and promote others. I can see right through you. I am not an idiot. I know that you are being paid off by pharmaceutical reps, but please keep my best interests in mind and DO NOT act like you are an expert when it comes to prescription drugs. You are NOT a medical doctor!

7. She gives advice and/or coerces you. 
A therapist is supposed to guide you through your journey  to newfound understanding and a better quality of life. She is NOT supposed to take the reins. If your therapist is telling you what you need to do, something is wrong. Especially when you have absolutely no established trust and when your client is telling you they don't want to take said advice. You know that it's over.

"Now that's a deal breaker" -- Elizabeth Lemon

36 & 37 Weeks Pregnant

I am full term this week! Yay!

And baby girl is as big as a.....

An oddly shaped watermelon! I seriously don't know how she can get much bigger in there. I do not have anymore room. According to most pregnancy resources her movement should be slowing because she's so squished, not my  little one! She's as active as ever and doesn't care that my skin only stretches so much. I've got limbs popping out all the time. I freak everyone out around me because I'm randomly gasping when she does a big sudden kick. I often feel like I'm just going to fall over.

So here's a brief summary of week 36. I spent most of that week being worried about the baby's well being and trying to get everything ready in time for her to be here. I was itchy and nauseated all of the time. I also had some crazy stuff happen on top of the Cholestasis. Like for instance my dad had a heart attack. For those of you who know my dad you know my dad does not treat his body well. He is a hard worker and he will work and work and work until he literally has to spend the next day recovering on the couch because he pushed himself to hard. For years he's been drinking and smoking too much in attempts to try and ignore some of the serious physical pains that he goes through so that he can keep on working and working. He's retired by the way he just couldn't stop working. And after an especially bad busy week he suffered from a heart attack for 3 days straight. Thankfully the heart attack was minor but it was definitely a wake up call and my dad is now taking care of himself. I was terrified of losing my dad, and scared that my daughter wouldn't have her grandfather. The whole incident made me more appreciative of my dad, my family and my pregnancy. But it's been a serious emotional roller coaster for me.

So since I found out I had Obstetric Cholestasis I've changed my diet to less that 40 grams of fat per day, increased my seafood intake, pumped up my fruit intake even more somehow and started drinking hot water with lemon in the mornings and the evenings to help cleanse my liver. And it worked. My last 3 blood tests have come back not only normal but with the lowest possible bile acid score on the scale. My most recent blood test showed that not only were my bile acids perfect but every liver/gall function test was perfect as well. My Dr couldn't believe it and even asked my for my "secrets." He said I pretty much cured myself.

What does that mean exactly? I am still being closely 2 doctors appointments per week, 2 NSTs, blood tests and once per week an ultrasound. But as long as everything keeps coming back normal I WILL NOT be induced! I am so excited to most likely be allowed to have the natural birth that I've always wanted.

And other good news, I have almost all of the signs of prelabor. Which I'm hoping means she's coming sooner than expected anyway. I also have an appointment this Thursday with my masseuse to do some reflexology that supposedly can get me moving along towards labor and delivery.

I still haven't gained any more weight so I'm at a grand total of 32 lbs. I did however notice 3 tiny stretch marks on the underside of my belly and the stretch marks on my hips from puberty have expanded slightly. I've got a few on my thighs as well. If that's all I get I'll consider myself very lucky. Here's the belly the last 2 weeks.

Week 36

Week 37

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34 Weeks Pregnant

34 weeks! I feel so close to meeting her and I'm so excited!

Baby is as big as a....

Yes a Butternut Squash..

And I wouldn't be surprised if she was longer than one. Her head is way way low and her feet mostly reside in my rib cage :)

This week the baby can actually recognize songs that I play around her and react to them. Super neat! Also kind of gross: she's peeing about a pint a day all around herself! lol.

So in week 34 I got over my kidney infection. Yay! Nick and I focused pretty hard on getting the baby room ready. Buying all the stuff we didn't get from the showers and putting it together. There are a few tiny things that need to get done before I can post pictures of the nursery. But I just love it. It's my favorite room in the house and Nick worked so hard to make it perfect I feel so lucky that our daughter gets to be in such an amazing environment with so many cool things.

This week I had a weird pregnancy symptom (itching all over) so I ended up calling the Dr about it and I set up to have blood work this past Friday. It turns out my bile acids are elevated indicating that I have Cholestasis of Pregnancy. This effects aprox. 1 in 1000 pregnancies and is kind of scary. Basically what's happening is my liver is not functioning correctly. My body is producing bile and my liver can not process it so the extra bile stays in my blood stream and can move through the placenta to the baby. Baby's liver can not handle the bile so it can lead to some issues. Overall it's not super dangerous it just changes some things... I need to maintain a healthy low fat diet, I am no longer going to be able to have a natural occurring labor, I will have to be induced, I am not allowed to birth in the natural birthing suite that I had planned on, I am still seeing my midwives but start seeing a new ob in addition to them on Friday, I got for non stress tests twice a week as well as once a week blood draws, I get an ultrasound once per week starting Friday and baby girl will definitely be an October baby.

Not going to lie, this news has been rough. But I'm starting to realize that life does not give a shit about my plan and I need to accept that. I'm working on it. I want what is best for Arya. What's best for her would have been a normal pregnancy and a completely unmedicated natural birth. But under  these circumstances we are now considered high risk and I'm willing to do anything/go through anything to get her out and into our arms okay.

During my kidney infection my weight jumped up pretty high, but it has dropped back down. I was really swollen during that time so I'm guessing it was just water weight. My total pregnancy weight gain so far is 32lbs. I haven't been exercising much at all except for cleaning my house and constantly running errands. And the last time I measured my waist was 44 inches around, prepregnancy was 29 so that's quite a difference!

Here is my belly this week on the left is my belly from Saturday and the right is my belly on Sunday. It appears as though she is starting to drop!

<3

30 & 31 Weeks Pregnant

Today I am 31 weeks pregnant! Wow.

Baby is as big as...

Weeks 30 & 31 were pretty similar. After weeks of seeing the chiropractor my hips are finally aligned! Rejoice!!! I can definitely feel the difference. I only have really bad pain when I'm on my feet for a long period of time or when I get up from bed or sitting. So now I only have to go once per week which is awesome because I only have 30 visits covered so I should be good as long as I keep going and don't let them get completely out of whack again.

 I'm really happy that I did not just accept what my Dr first told me about my pain and did my own research and got help. I could not imagine how much pain I would be in on a daily basis now that my bump is this big on top of a completely misaligned pelvis. Take my advice, if you feel like something isn't normal get a second opinion, it can't hurt.

Baby girl has been super active the past 2 weeks which is fun to watch and interact with.  She's been busy developing her brain more and accumulating more fat. Sounds totally rad in there.

I've been feeling really motivated the past 2 weeks, I guess I'm "nesting." I've been organizing and working more. I managed to finish a rough draft of my first paper of the term! I also dedicated some time to my art work these past two weeks....

Going to be split into 2 frames for Arya's room.

A few details left to do but I'm pretty proud of it!

My total pregnancy weight gain is now 30lbs! Whoa!! I'm actually not too concerned because I know that I'm getting the nutrition that I need and that I'm staying as active as I can. No stretch marks yet! But my belly is getting super duper itchy. I have to apply my belly oil 3+ times a day now. Also I don't know if everyone who had a navel piercing had this but the old piercing area is extraordinarily itchy and also sometimes red and burny feeling. It's not so bad that I think infection I'm guessing maybe the scar tissue just isn't stretching very easily?

Here are belly pics for these 2 weeks!

30 weeks

30 weeks

30 weeks. D'awww. 

31 weeks. Looking like my mama here.

31 weeks

31 weeks

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29 Weeks Pregnant & Reflections

I'm 29 weeks pregnant! WOOoooOOOOOooo!

Baby is the size of a...

This week has been pretty good! I can tell baby is much bigger she must of had a big growth spurt over week 29. Her movements are big and sometimes painful but stinking adorable. This week shes mostly just working on plumping up in there and her body is making some big strides in brain development right now.

Oh and I don't have gestational diabetes! Yay! Look out doughnuts and cider! Which brings me to....

Fall is coming! What does that mean for me? That a lot of my time is going to be looking like this...

I attended Master's school orientation this week and came home pumped and excited about the insane work load that I have ahead of me. I really enjoyed meeting some class mates and hearing about how they got to where they are. I was surprised by a lot of things. I learned at the orientation that out of the whole entire Education Masters School I was 1 of 6 people who were first generation graduates. Out of about 120 students. That made me really proud knowing that I was one of the few who came from a home of GEDs and ended up getting into the masters program of my dreams.

It reminded me how far I've come, how hard I've worked and how much I deserve it. I should never doubt myself or my capabilities because I've made it. And I've done it all on my own. My parents didn't know anything about college or the process or really why anyone should/would want to go. I'm proud of my teenage self for deciding the kind of future I wanted and going for it. The whole academic journey was filled with moments of doubt and uncertainty. But I didn't rely on anyone but myself to figure it out. I'm really proud of myself and I'm really looking forward to once again proving how determined and successful I can be. And not to mention being a good example for my daughter and providing a great life for my family.

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. I'm soooo happy my daughter is lucky enough to be a fall baby like her momma. September makes me super sentimental. I start thinking of all of the amazing memories I have from childhood and as an adult in the autumn. The cider mill, carving pumpkins, long walks in cozy sweaters and crunchy leaves, cuddling under a blanket with candles lit and a crisp cool breeze seeping in through the open windows. I could go on forever and I can't wait to experience all of these things with my little one.

This week I've been super emotional! It's kind of out of control I've cried every single day, for happy and sad things. Or just because I can't get the lid off of a jar.... It's kind of hilarious. I've had what I guess you might refer as heart burn except it's really not that uncomfortable I'll just randomly have vomit come up my throat and into my mouth. No warning, no heaving, no fuss, it just comes right up. It doesn't taste great but I'm getting used to being a big giant gross mess. As far as my SPD goes this week has had it's ups and downs. I'm starting to handle the pain way better and it seems like the chiropractor has helped a lot but I have some really rough moments.

As far as fitness goes I've been doing my "exercises" and cleaning that's pretty much as far as it goes. I actually didn't gain any weight this week which I'm super happy about. Last week felt like a huge jump in weight so it was nice to maintain for a week. My belly is getting big and kind of in the way now. It's hard to get in and out of some bathroom stalls, sometimes I bump it on furniture or people so that's new.

<3

28 Weeks pregnant

28 weeks pregnant!!! 7 months pregnant!!! Yay!!! And baby Arya is as big as a....

Right now she's working on storing fat and perfecting her whole lung/breathing thing. She's had lots of hiccups this week so I imagine she's practicing swallowing quite a bit. Her moves are getting bigger and sometimes even startling! She'll do a big kick and it takes a minute for me to process what just happened. She seems to be moving up more now or just getting longer because she's pretty close to kicking my ribs most days.

Last Monday I took my 1 hour glucose test.

Which entails not eating for a while then drinking this lovely beverage within a five minute span and getting your blood drawn an hour later. I failed the test. When the nurse called to tell me I was pretty devastated I was already having an incredibly emotional day. My SPD was acting up really bad and I was crying over everything it seemed like. I managed to pull myself together long enough to go pick up my forms from the Drs office. After I got home I did some research on gestational diabetes and got even more freaked out. But hey at least I wasn't a sobbing mess.

I was ordered to take a 3 hour glucose test. Before a 3 hour glucose test you are asked to eat a diet of pretty much only carbohydrates for 3 days prior. Which didn't make sense to me at all. I guess it's supposed to get your body used to maxing out on it's ability to process carbs... I'm really unconvinced. Since my 3 hours glucose test happened today which is in my 29th week I'll post more about it then.

Things I would prefer to live without this week:

1. SPD pain
2. Nausea
3. Fatigue
4. Muscle spasms (every night this week!)

I feel like people might feel as though I'm not happy about being pregnant and that's just not true. I'm over the moon. I'm soo thankful to have this baby growing inside of me and I'm totally okay with all of the curve balls I'm getting thrown at me as long as it means that she is happy and healthy and in my arms soon. I'm perfectly okay with my quality of life being kind of crappy right now. I just wasn't expecting it at all. I don't know anyone who has had the nausea and food aversions and cramping that I had in the first trimester. I didn't know anyone who had SPD and I don't know anyone who failed the one hour glucose test and didn't end up with gestational diabetes.

When I got pregnant I did not expect to be in constant pain for weeks/months. I did not expect to be in agony getting up in the middle of the night or turning over. I feel like when I bring these things up because I need to talk about them sometimes people look at me as if I'm just a whiny undeserving idiot. And I don't think it's fair. When I talk about this stuff I'm looking for encouragement and possibly advice. Because I've never done this before and it is absolutely nothing like how I thought it would be.

Mostly I worry about the pain and things that I'm experiencing because I'm scared it's effecting her in a negative way. I love her more than anything at this point and I just want her to be okay. So if I seem whiny/complainy/ungrateful I'm not. I'm just freaked out and looking for some help. Thankfully I do have lots of supportive friends/family but I also have just as many people who are discouraging judgey mcjudgesters.

Since I haven't been moving around to much. I'm going to attribute that to my weight gain. I'm up a total of 25 lbs! I have started doing some SPD friendly exercises as of last night and I plan to do them every single night because I can't do much of anything else anyway.

I notice a big physical change this week my belly button has gone from a belly button to what Nick lovingly refers to as a, "cat butthole."

It's not that pretty but whatevs.

My belly seems to change shape everyday depending on how she's laying/what she's up to in there. But here's what it looked like one day this week...

<3

27 Weeks Pregnant

I am 27 weeks pregnant! And baby is the size of a....

And I'm officially in the third trimester!!! It's one of the good things about this week. There is an end in sight and I can't wait to meet this little one. Also if she were to be born this week or next she has a 95 % chance of survival which is quite comforting for me. New this week... I experienced Braxton Hicks contractions! I didn't realize what they were while they were happening but my midwife confirmed them at my appointed.

This week Nick and I celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary by dinning out at Roast. We got all dolled up, Nick enjoyed some cocktails and we both enjoyed the food. Although it's weird for me going somewhere and ordering a Filet Mignon medium it was still absolutely amazing. Here are some pictures we took with some really unique faces from Nick because he's sick of your pictures all looking the same....

This week her kicks have been big and her hiccups more frequent. Honestly having her in there doing stuff is insanely magical and awesome and makes me extremely happy. But I really can't wait to get her out of there.

As of this week my food aversions are back, but not as bad as they were in the fist trimester. My boobs also hurt something fierce again. And oddly I'm feeling bloated like I did at the very beginning. I'm gonna take a guess and say that it's probably because I've been much less mobile than I have throughout my entire pregnancy. Oh and here's why.....

It was confirmed this week that I'm suffering from SPD. SPD is a condition that is caused by a hormone that is naturally produced during pregnancy called relaxin. Everyone produces this hormone so that their pelvis/hips can properly separate when the time comes to push a baby out. People who suffer from SPD either produce to much relaxin or are too sensitive to the hormone. When this occurs your ligaments become much too relaxed in the pelvis area causing your bones to just kind of float around and rub against whatever they want and get completely out of whack. Which as you might guess causes quite a bit of pain and immobility. The good news is that most people who have this condition go back to normal right after birth or a few weeks after. The bad news is that I've still got potentially 13-15 weeks to go and there's virtually no treatment available.

As suggested I bought a support belt which tends to keep my pain level around a 5 or a 6 as opposed to a 7 or an 8 without it. Here's what is looks like...

And it's not very comfortable. It helps my pubic pain a bit but it feels really constricting and the baby absolutely hates it. When I put it on she usually kicks/punches it for 15 minutes or so.

So I started seeing a chiropractor Friday. I've been reading about the benefits of prenatal chiropractic care and I like what I hear. It is said to reduce the pain of labor, reduce the time spent in labor and reduce recovery time. Chiropractic care before birth also reduces your chances of needing medical intervention during birth. After two adjustments here's what I can say. The chiropractor makes every other part of my body feel better besides my pubic bone. So it's been nice not to have back, neck or shoulder pain. That's pretty amazing.

Back to my pity party. The pain and limited movements from SPD are driving me nuts. It hurts to even carry a laundry basket. And standing for longer than 10-15  minutes results in some serious pain. Walking hurts, stairs hurt, rolling over in bed hurts, getting of bed hurts, sitting on the toilet hurts, trying to put pants on hurts, you get the picture. The pain is starting to make me even more of an irritable hormonal preggo monster than I already was. And my house is spinning out of control but I pretty much only have it in me most days to clean maybe one room and the rest is just left to accumulate crap. I am so thankful to have a terribly understanding hard working husband. I could not imagine going through this pregnancy without him and I am insanely grateful.

Pregnancy fitness wise I am going to be getting much less fit as time goes on. I see my chiropractor/physical therapist wednesday so maybe they can give me some safe exercises to do. As of today I'm up a total of 21.3lbs and thankfully still no signs of stretch marks. And here's my belly this week...

<3

Cloth Diapering

Here is most of our newborn diaper stash. I say most because we are registered for diaper covers which will complete our newborn diaper stash and can also be used for quite some time after the newborn stage. 

So first why don't I address what's going on here in the first place. These are cloth diapers. Not your mom or your grandmas cloth diapers. Most cloth diapers are now designed to be comfortable for baby and convenient for parents. There are many different kinds of cloth diapers to choose from and I have a good chunk of them but there are others. For more information check out DiaperJungle.

Next you might ask, "why the hell would you use cloth diapers when there are disposable diapers available?" And for that question I have 3 answers and then 1 other reason that honestly doesn't matter to me as much as the others.

1. Cloth diapers are extraordinarily economical

If we did not have a baby registry and we bought all of the diapers/accessories ourselves we would end up spending approximately $500. An estimated cost of diapering a child from birth to 2 years old with disposables diapers is somewhere between $1500 - $2300, that does not include wipes or diaper creams ect.

2.  Cloth diapers do not contain harmful chemicals

Most cloth diapered babies never develop diaper rash! Plus here's an article about the lack of regulations and such on disposable diapers. Many of the absorbent gels they use in disposable diapers they wont even allow on feminine napkins (aka pads and tampons) if it's not allowed on my vagina I'm not okay with it being on baby girl's.

3. They're really stinkin cute

Okay not an amazing reason but I'm just being honest.

Oh and there's 4. The environmental impact of disposable diapers. I don't want to contribute to the world turning into the trash ball featured in Idiocracy.

Also this.

Because it's funny and it's one of the reasons why we decided to reproduce.

Onto the stuff!

My newborn stash will fit baby from 5lbs to between 16&18lbs depending on the diaper. But by that time she should fit into her Onesize diapers which I'll talk more about in another post. We have pocket diapers, all in one diapers, fitted diapers, prefolds and soon diaper covers.

In addition to cloth diapers we will also be using cloth wipes which in my experience work sooooo much better than disposable wipes.

Here are all of the diapers listed from least expensive to most. 

Prefold diapers will be used with a Snappi to hold them in place and then a cover ontop.The ones I picked up are GMD Clothe-eez and are made of unbleached cotton.

Here's what they look like before washing and after 6 washes. And then an example of a Snappi.

I wanted to have a few kissaluvs newborn fitted diapers because they're supposed to be super absorbent, trim and practically leak proof.

I love the low rise for the umbilical stump as well.

Next we have some size xs Fuzzibunz pocket diapers. These diapers resemble and work almost just like disposables. They do need to be stuffed with an insert and you can change which insert/how many inserts you use depending on your baby's needs. 

And finally some AIOs (all in one) which work exactly like a disposable diaper. There is no stuffing no folding. Some use velcro closures some use snaps. I wanted to try a few so I got a small variety.

Kissaluvs

Cotton fleece blend

Swaddlebees

Owl print with organic cotton inner

Thirsties 

These have 2 sizes to get maximum bang for your buck.

I would love to have an entire stash of AIOs because they are the easiest and they do have extra room to stuff if you absolutely need it. But AIOs are the most expensive diapering option. Having 24+ AIO for each stage would come close to defeating my reason #1.

And that is what baby girl's bum will be covered in from day 1. A lot of people think cloth diapering is crazy gross and weird. From my experience so far with friend's baby's it is none of those things. Cloth diapering is going to help keep money in the bank and my mind at ease. I have absolutely nothing against parents who choose disposable diapers for their babies, this is just my preference. If anyone is interested in cloth diapering their baby but has no idea where to start feel free to comment/message/call/text me! Not that I know everything about it because I don't. But I've been researching cloth since we decided to have a baby i know quite a bit but there's still a ton that I have to learn!