Busy Busy

I feel like time is passing so quickly and so slowly at the very same time. Quitting smoking is really really hard and it seems like the longer I go without out it, the more intense the craving is. I get suddenly hit with an intense urge to smoke and it lasts all freaking day. I have cheated a few times, but give a girl a break. I am physically and emotionally addicted to this garbage. Giving it up and all of the things that go along with it is insanity. Eating hefty amounts of food does take the edge off a big, but it's still there and I'm taking in extra calories and fat.

I'm just feeling really crappy about this situation right now.

In other news I have an interview on Thursday for a job that I really want. So hopefully that goes well amidst all of the changes I'm experiencing and all the crappy hours I've been working. 

Can you say Negative Nancy?

That's it! I've had enough! I quit!

Smoking has been something that I love to do for years now. There's nothing like the feeling of smoking a cigarette after a filling meal, sipping a latte, or taking that first sip of a beer after a long hard days work (I should be in advertising). Or if your me... Whenever your in the car, whenever someone calls, when you wake up in the morning. when you go to sleep at night, when you just found out some great news, when something really shitty just happened, or nothing happened and your just bored and don't have anything better.

I say no more! I'm calling bullshit on you Camel Lights! Yes you are soo delightful on most all of those occasions. Yes you were a symbol of my independence from an abusive relationship. Yes you've been through all of the good and bad times with me. There with me at my deepest darkest moments as well as joyful celebrations.

I have fooled myself into believing that I not only need cigarettes, I want them. After starting Bikram, straightening out my eating habits, as well as my life, I've realized something. I am strong and smart and beautiful and I have no greater desire than to live and be happy. I see so many life paths and options on the horizon and I really don't want my smokes to come with me.

For 5 years we've been bffs. But friends don't try to kill other friends.

I'm sure we'll meet on occasion through different points in my life. But I'm letting you go and taking back control.