Week 12 was weird but awesome. I was even more exhausted than normal but it seemed like my nausea was only occurring every other day. Until yesterday where I lost my breakfast very unexpectedly. The awesome part was that we got to hear our itty bitty baby's heartbeat for the first time! It was amazing and so reassuring to hear it pounding away in there. The heartbeat was 155 bpm which according to old wives tales indicates girl.
I really thought earlier on we would have a girl, but I'm really leaning towards boy now and I constantly catch myself to referring to it as a "him." I mean we've nicknamed it baby Spartacus which may feel a little awkward if we find out its a tiny baby girl in there.
Anyway my pregnancy has been a constant surprise for me so now I pretty much expect anything to happen. I always imagined being one of the pregnant ladies who was constantly elated and enamored by the whole pregnancy experience. I imagined I would eat an insanely healthy diet every day, maybe have slight morning sickness. Having heard my mother (who was one of those super peaceful insanely happy pregnant people) constantly talk about how easy her pregnancy was, how hungry she was and how she thinks of her pregnancies as the happiest parts of her life, I expected to feel and be the same way.....
They aren't lying when they say every pregnancy is different.
As soon as I hit 6 weeks I was sick all day every day. Literally every minute of my like I was on a fair ride I could never get off. I've had the stomach flu quite a few times in my life, it sucks, but the nice thing about the stomach flu is that it's over with in about a week at the most. Morning sickness lasts for weeks and drains every bit of energy out of you. Not to mention by 7/8 weeks I had developed my insane food aversions. All of the sudden every vegetable that I had loved and planned on eating in abundance smelled and tasted rotten. Lean white meats went from a stable in my diet to completely untouchable. The only thing that I had any interest in eating was fruit and white potatoes. After 14 months of pretty much being on a diet I was not used to not eating vegetables every day.
For the past 6 weeks my diet has been disgusting and I feel constantly guilty about it. My midwife has informed me that for now I should just eat whatever I can and worry about it after week 14. I try to remind myself this when I eat a junior bacon cheese burger and there's a lump in my throat because I feel so guilty. I did everything right and I was well informed before becoming pregnant I know that healthy eating is important. Or at least I did. According to my midwife for now all that matters is that I'm taking my vitamins getting protein and fiber and as much diary as I can stand (which unfortunately isn't much).
Before I became pregnant I scoffed at women who ate crap and thought "don't they know that's bad for them? Do they not care?" I know now that most of the time they day care but that's literally the only thing they can scarf down in order to get some calories to the baby. That is them caring. Most days I don't want to eat anything I know after every meal I'm going to feel horrible but I eat what I can because the baby needs it.
I am not the glowing pregnant lady I imagined. My face looks like that of a young girl going through puberty, I am sick all day every day, I eat a great deal of crap, I don't exercise everyday because I'm exhausted, I really don't think that I'm glowing. I am happy though. Happier than I've probably every been in spite of all of the crap. I will also never judge a pregnant woman again for what they eat or how they act. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.
Anyways enough whining I just had to get that out there.
The baby is definitely bigger (the size of a plum now!)
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