16 Weeks!

I'm 4 months pregnant! Baby now has finger prints and can hear!

I'm happy they baby can hear this week because we got an awesome gift in the mail. Almost all of the rock a bye baby albums from some of our favorite artists! Yay for awesome friends!

The biggest thing to happen this past week is that the baby is moving, a lot! It is the most amazing feeling ever and no matter what I'm doing every time that I feel it I just stop and smile and sometimes giggle. It feels like my tiny little baby is tickling me from the inside all day. It is making me so unbelievably happy and excited. I finally get why some people love pregnancy. This is the most amazing thing to ever happen to me and the love that I feel for this tiny little being is so huge and mind blowing.

I am now one of those people who loves being pregnant, this is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced in my life and I am just so happy. :)

Here are some belly pictures for this week...

And one of Nick tickling my baby belly...

<3

Weeks 14 & 15

Today I'm officially 15 weeks pregnant (starting my 16th week).

Baby is the size of a Naval Orange! HOLY CRAP!

Now I see what they mean when they say pregnancy goes by fast.

My first 12 weeks felt like they took forever! After that the times are flying by and I'm physically changing every day before my eyes.

As far as week 14 goes. It was pretty awesome I felt almost normal just a little tired I was also super duper hungry. Then I started to develop a really bizarre ear/face ache. I called my dr. and she instructed me to go straight to the emergency room. So that's how I spent last Saturday... Stuck in the ER for hours I got a lot of good reading in but it really wasn't worth the money. The "Dr" in the ER was kind of a jerk and ordered a CAT scan as he just had a patient die from a bone infection and thought I must have that too.... I feel like this was completely unnecessary especially when he hadn't even properly examined me or run any other tests... After that and more hours of sitting around trying not to be forced into taking Vicodin by every nurse around. I got the news I was being released but they wanted to check for a heart beat before they let me go. I was excited of of course because I love hearing that sound. But the nurse was completely incompetant and literally had no clue what she was doing with the Doppler. I asked her twice if I could try it because I had at least seen my Dr do it before. She refused and it took her like 10 minutes to find it. With my mind at ease about that she said the Dr had to talk to me before a I left. I waited for 40 min then realized my nurse and Dr were discussing their personal lives instead of letting me go home. I got my stuff together and waited in my door way staring at them until they noticed me. The look on their faces was the best part of my experience. He told me 5 possiblities of what my pain and swelling could be caused by... None of which were the actual cause.

So I went home in pain and finally Saturday night I gave in a took a few tylenol because I could not stop crying form the pain.

Sunday I experienced my first Mother's day and it was wonderful. We spent it with Nick's mom and sisters bbq and watching the kids play. It was fantastic everyone gave me nice gifts to make me feel special. My favorite was Nick's. He got me a baby memory book and a card from the baby :)

On Monday my awesome friend Lisa got me in to see the ENT where she works. He immediately diagnosed me and confirmed that the ER "Dr" was a quack. I had an outer ear infection of the eardrum and canal which is the most painful. Lucy also had a rough day as she had her dental scaling that day, we spent the majority of the evening laying around feeling poopy together. 

The rest of this week I've been growing what feels like a lot. My stomach is rounding out more and I love it. My cravings this week haven't been too bad everyday I want fruit, soups and salads... And pizza once...
I've also finally put on some weight :) I'm up 2.8 lbs! It feels like right to my tummy and possibly my boobs. Lord help me if those things keep getting bigger.

Oh I also think I felt the baby move for the first time last Saturday since I've felt it twice since. That super exciting and I can't wait until they're more definitive and Nick can feel them.

We are shopping for cribs right now. Any advice would be helpful we are completely stumped. I think Nick and I want completely different styles. Ugh.

13 Weeks

Hello second trimester :) I've been waiting quite a while to see you.

This week baby is the size of a peach :O

Now that I'm thirteen weeks my all day long nausea has vanished. I'm still nauseous every couple hours but not for very long and usually just when I'm hungry. I am sooooo thankful for this. I'm starting to see the nicer side of pregnancy. This week I've had some really awful headaches that last pretty much all day but that's just pain and I can take pain.

Hopefully this means a less whiny less cranky version of Mo. I feel like I've been complaining quite a bit these last few months and I'm ready to be more pleasant to be around.

I've had a wonderful week.

Tuesday Nick and I went for the first screen which included a blood test and ultrasound. It was amazing seeing the baby look like a baby. It is insane to think about how much moving around and kicking is going on in my uterus right now. I was pretty much oblivious to the reality of it until I saw it for myself. Little one is very active. And apparently very stubborn. The scan took about 30 minutes (which I didn't mind) the tech had to coax the baby into the correct position over and over again the baby was just not having it. She ended up getting what she needed though. We both had a sigh of relief to see that the measurements she took were well within the normal range for our little developing fetus. We also got some great pictures and a first look at the baby's profile....

 

 I was able to catch up with a few friends this week that I haven't seen since before I was pregnant. It was awesome and it made me feel like a real person again. I'm excited to continue this especially now that I'm less of a drag to be around. Audrey and Katrina and Lisa thanks for insisting on hanging out with me even while I was a cranky bitch. I feel like I would have gone even more insane if it weren't for you girls <3

I have not been as active as I wanted to be the past few months. It's kind of impossible to exercise when you feel like your going to throw up just sitting down. Due to that horrible nausea I was lucky enough not to gain any weight in the first trimester. But now that I'm hungry again I'm definitely going to kick my fitness level back up. Nick and I spent 40 minutes at the gym this morning and it was awesome! This whole week of socializing plus some good ol' exercise have made me feel like a normal person again.

In other news my belly has transformed from a normal belly to a baby bump. A real baby bump. It is hard all the time. It is sensitive all the time. To me it looks, feels and seems quite large for how far along I am. But it's definitely a baby bump and it's definitely not going anywhere so I'm embracing it. I've realized that I'm only getting bigger from here on out.

I really liked week thirteen. It's 7 pm and I'm ready to hit the sack lol. Until next week!

12 Weeks

Today I'm officially 12 weeks pregnant! (Starting my 13th week)

Week 12 was weird but awesome. I was even more exhausted than normal but it seemed like my nausea was only occurring every other day. Until yesterday where I lost my breakfast very unexpectedly. The awesome part was that we got to hear our itty bitty baby's heartbeat for the first time! It was amazing and so reassuring to hear it pounding away in there. The heartbeat was 155 bpm which according to old wives tales indicates girl.

I really thought earlier on we would have a girl, but I'm really leaning towards boy now and I constantly catch myself to referring to it as a "him." I mean we've nicknamed it baby Spartacus which may feel a little awkward if we find out its a tiny baby girl in there.

Anyway my pregnancy has been a constant surprise for me so now I pretty much expect anything to happen. I always imagined being one of the pregnant ladies who was constantly elated and enamored by the whole pregnancy experience. I imagined I would eat an insanely healthy diet every day, maybe have slight morning sickness. Having heard my mother (who was one of those super peaceful insanely happy pregnant people) constantly talk about how easy her pregnancy was, how hungry she was and how she thinks of her pregnancies as the happiest parts of her life, I expected to feel and be the same way.....

They aren't lying when they say every pregnancy is different.

As soon as I hit 6 weeks I was sick all day every day. Literally every minute of my like I was on a fair ride I could never get off. I've had the stomach flu quite a few times in my life, it sucks, but the nice thing about the stomach flu is that it's over with in about a week at the most. Morning sickness lasts for weeks and drains every bit of energy out of you. Not to mention by 7/8 weeks I had developed my insane food aversions. All of the sudden every vegetable that I had loved and planned on eating in abundance smelled and tasted rotten. Lean white meats went from a stable in my diet to completely untouchable. The only thing that I had any interest in eating was fruit and white potatoes. After 14 months of pretty much being on a diet I was not used to not eating vegetables every day.

For the past 6 weeks my diet has been disgusting and I feel constantly guilty about it. My midwife has informed me that for now I should just eat whatever I can and worry about it after week 14. I try to remind myself this when I eat a junior bacon cheese burger and there's a lump in my throat because I feel so guilty. I did everything right and I was well informed before becoming pregnant I know that healthy eating is important. Or at least I did. According to my midwife for now all that matters is that I'm taking my vitamins getting protein and fiber and as much diary as I can stand (which unfortunately isn't much).

Before I became pregnant I scoffed at women who ate crap and thought "don't they know that's bad for them? Do they not care?" I know now that most of the time they day care but that's literally the only thing they can scarf down in order to get some calories to the baby. That is them caring. Most days I don't want to eat anything I know after every meal I'm going to feel horrible but I eat what I can because the baby needs it.

I am not the glowing pregnant lady I imagined. My face looks like that of a young girl going through puberty, I am sick all day every day, I eat a great deal of crap, I don't exercise everyday because I'm exhausted, I really don't think that I'm glowing. I am happy though. Happier than I've probably every been in spite of all of the crap. I will also never judge a pregnant woman again for what they eat or how they act. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Anyways enough whining I just had to get that out there.

The baby is definitely bigger (the size of a plum now!)

My animals aren't allowed to lay on my tummy anymore without some careful placement. My bump is super duper sensitive. Speaking of which it looks way more bumpy this week!

On Tuesday we have an ultrasound and we are soooo excited to see him again! Until next time :)

i'm pregnant

11 weeks pregnant (working on my 12th week).

Before we got pregnant we were ttc (trying to conceive)  for quite some time. After the 6th cycle I started to get a bit worried and honestly a kind of bitter. It seemed like everyone I've ever known has simply spread their legs and wound up pregnant. It was easy for most people. I envied these people... Scratch that... I was jealous of these people. Sometimes I feel like there's a force out there working against me instead of supporting me on my way. I've often had this outlook that some things come easier to pretty much everyone besides of me and I'm fated to struggle  for my entire existence. < this is ridiculous.

 I've realized that most people work hard for the things that they have just like me and I'm often reminded by friends and family that while I don't have the perfect job right now and pregnancy wasn't coming as easily as I had thought, I am one lucky bitch. I have an amazing and infinitely supportive husband, a beautiful home, reliable transportation, a great family, an amazing group of friends. An amazing group of friends is one of the most important things I have in my possession. When I stop believing in myself they keep believing in me. They support me, they want the best for me and without them I would lose sight of the woman that I am and who I want to be. (Thanks guys :))

So after months of trying we did get what we wanted it was a struggle but totally worth it and I am so thankful for it. Being pregnant is totally different than I ever imagined it would be, but I'll save that rant for another post.

Anyways here's me playing catch up on belly photos it's pretty much bloat until this week.

9 weeks

10 weeks

11 weeks

Busy Busy

I feel like time is passing so quickly and so slowly at the very same time. Quitting smoking is really really hard and it seems like the longer I go without out it, the more intense the craving is. I get suddenly hit with an intense urge to smoke and it lasts all freaking day. I have cheated a few times, but give a girl a break. I am physically and emotionally addicted to this garbage. Giving it up and all of the things that go along with it is insanity. Eating hefty amounts of food does take the edge off a big, but it's still there and I'm taking in extra calories and fat.

I'm just feeling really crappy about this situation right now.

In other news I have an interview on Thursday for a job that I really want. So hopefully that goes well amidst all of the changes I'm experiencing and all the crappy hours I've been working. 

Can you say Negative Nancy?

That's it! I've had enough! I quit!

Smoking has been something that I love to do for years now. There's nothing like the feeling of smoking a cigarette after a filling meal, sipping a latte, or taking that first sip of a beer after a long hard days work (I should be in advertising). Or if your me... Whenever your in the car, whenever someone calls, when you wake up in the morning. when you go to sleep at night, when you just found out some great news, when something really shitty just happened, or nothing happened and your just bored and don't have anything better.

I say no more! I'm calling bullshit on you Camel Lights! Yes you are soo delightful on most all of those occasions. Yes you were a symbol of my independence from an abusive relationship. Yes you've been through all of the good and bad times with me. There with me at my deepest darkest moments as well as joyful celebrations.

I have fooled myself into believing that I not only need cigarettes, I want them. After starting Bikram, straightening out my eating habits, as well as my life, I've realized something. I am strong and smart and beautiful and I have no greater desire than to live and be happy. I see so many life paths and options on the horizon and I really don't want my smokes to come with me.

For 5 years we've been bffs. But friends don't try to kill other friends.

I'm sure we'll meet on occasion through different points in my life. But I'm letting you go and taking back control.